ISBN 1-59201-047-4
Books Unbound E-Publishing Co.
http://www.booksunbound.com
Publication July, 2006
Cover Art by Frank Berger
One Wizard Place
Doug Paul
Copyright 2004
All Rights Reserved
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and occurrences
are either the products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously.
Any resemblance to actual events, places, organizations, or persons, living or dead,
is entirely coincidental and not the goal of the author or Books Unbound.
All chapter graphics are the work of Frank Berger and are copyrighted. Material may not be copied, reproduced, republished, downloaded, posted, broadcast or transmitted in any way except for your own personal non-commercial home use. Any other use requires the prior written permission of the copyright owner. You may not adapt, alter or create a derivative work from any of the material contained in this site or use it for any other purpose other than for your personal non-commercial use.
Chapter One
Nixies
Ms. Willeby's house was usually as neat and trim as a house could be. On any given day in the past, her quaint little cottage could easily have made the cover of a magazine... but lately she has been lucky to stay off the six o'clock news.
It was quite a mess. What was left of her white picket fence was scattered and broken into a pile of twigs and bent nails. Her big, blue-ribbon rose bushes, with their enormous red petals, lay trampled across her formerly green lawn. Like a scene in an old war movie, potholes littered the once perfectly manicured front yard. Just about all the windows were shattered, with all sorts of household belongings hanging and dangling from the broken frames. An old cowboy boot had even managed to get itself stuffed into her mailbox.
Yes, old Ms. Willeby definitely had herself a nixie problem, and a fairly big one at that.
With his faithful partner by his side, agent Justin Kasey Hobskin--generally known as "Kase"--strolled through the front yard of their latest assignment. Kase's partner, Murdox, sniffed at the remains of the lawn as they went along.
Murdox, formerly a grouchy, irritable, and generally bad-tempered wizard, had been cursed with the body of a wolf-dog when he and his previous partner were attacked by an evil witch doctor.
"I hope this gig includes some decent food,at least," Murdox remarked, snuffling an empty candy wrapper. "All I had for lunch was a lousy sliced-cheese sandwich."
Shaking his head, Kase concluded that Murdox had nothing useful to say, as usual.
Murdox sensed Kase's reaction and peered up at him in the piercing way that only a dog can. "I'm a wolf-dog now, remember? Dogs mostly eat, sleep, and p...."
"Enough! I get the point."
For almost as long as Kase could remember, Murdox had been notoriously ornery--but since his wizardly powers and human form had been taken from him, he had been even crankier than ever.
The two of them slowed as they approached the steps leading to the front door of Ms. Willeby's house. Kase tightened the straps of his backpack, tucked his shirttail into his pants, and ran his fingers through his hair. He glanced down at Murdox and frowned in dismay. Then he ran his hand over the wolf-dog's coat, slicked down some flyaway fur, and attempted to smooth his ears. This accomplished nothing but to elicit a low, guttural growl from Murdox, to which Kase paid no attention.
They slowly climbed the four steps to the house, and Kase rang the doorbell. There was a crash, a thud, and quite a few thumps. After a bit, a frail voice responded, "Yes. Who's there?"
"Ms. Willeby?" Kase replied, "It's Kase and Murdox from the Incantation Enforcement Agency, Counter-Curse Division. We got your message and came over as quickly as we could. We're here to help!"
The bright red door eased open about halfway and then suddenly fell off its hinges. It landed with a thud on the front porch. Luckily Kase and Murdox were able to scramble out of the way before it could squash them.
"Dear me, I'm so terribly sorry!" said Ms. Willeby. "Those troublesome little monsters must have pulled the pins right out of the hinges."
Kase and Murdox quickly regained their composure and stepped over the fallen door. Kase glanced quickly around the house, and Murdox stuck his snout in the air and took a couple of sniffs. They muttered to themselves disapprovingly, but it was Kase who spoke first.
"Not to worry, Ma'am. We've had to deal with nixies before. A terrible lot they are! Tell me, Ms. Willeby, how did you get mixed up with them?"
Suddenly a stink bomb exploded in the middle of the living room with a boom! and a ghastly green cloud billowed toward them. Ms. Willeby moved very rapidly for her age. Covering her nose, she followed close behind Kase and Murdox as they dove off the stairs onto the ruined lawn.
Ms. Willeby waved her hand toward her little front yard and began to whimper. "It's all my fault! All I wanted to do was conjure up some garden gnomes to help me tidy my roses."
Murdox and Kase stood by patiently as she spoke. They were not as interested in what she was saying as they were in allowing time for the air to clear.
"The annual Wizards' Day parade is coming up, you know, and I wanted my little garden to look its best." She sighed deeply and then continued. "I gathered up all the proper ingredients for gnome casserole. I prepared the spell and baked it in the oven at four-hundred-fifty degrees, just like the recipe calls for. But Ms. Tilly... you know old Ms. Tilly, don't you? She stopped by to share a cup of tea and some really juicy tidbits of news about the Reverend Heartgood. Well, we lost all track of time, and I guess I cooked the little fellows too long."
Kase nodded to her supportively as he dragged off his brown leather backpack with the IEA logo displayed on its front pouch. He unzipped the bag and reached inside. After a short search, he pulled out a large leather-bound book entitled The Joy of Conjuring, Third Edition. He quickly shuffled through the pages to the chapter called "Gnome Incantations Made Easy."
Kase skimmed through the spell and then shook his head as he reached the Helpful Hints section. After a brief consultation with Murdox, he turned to the section on nixies and scanned the incantation. Kase then asked Ms. Willeby where she had purchased the ingredients--particularly the imp brains.
Ms. Willeby turned an unflattering shade of red and looked around sheepishly. "Well, the Wizard's Market was all sold out of fresh imp brains, so I went to the regular grocer's and picked up the canned variety."
Kase glanced at Murdox, who curled his lip. "Do you happen to remember which brand you purchased, Ms. Willeby?"
Ms. Willeby stared at Kase with a worried look in her eyes, trying to recall. "I believe I chose Blue Ogre brains.... Yes, I'm sure of it. It was definitely the Blue Ogre brand."
"Well, that explains it. My reference book cautions against using certain varieties of canned brains because some manufacturers pickle them for longer shelf-life. Blue Ogre just happens to be at the top of the list."
Ms. Willeby paled until she looked downright ghostly. "I must have conjured up those little guys a hundred times before. I hardly look at the recipe anymore. Dear, dear me... I never even realized...!"
"Not to worry, Ms. Willeby. We see these kinds of errors happen all the time." Kase cleared his throat and nudged Murdox, who was rolling his eyes and snorting.
Kase gave Murdox a stern glance. "Unfortunately, overcooked pickled imp brains are a perfect recipe for disaster, and in this case they transformed your gnomes into nixies."
The young agent dropped The Joy of Conjuring, Third Edition back into his backpack. "Not to worry!" he assured her. "We've come prepared."
Kase dug around in his backpack again. After pulling out and setting aside a billfold, a set of car keys, a television remote control, and a pair of old socks, he continued searching until he finally came up with a gigantic mayonnaise jar.
This was no ordinary mayonnaise jar. Instead of being filled with mayonnaise, it was packed full of small forms suspended in a glowing gelatin-like goo. It almost looked like something you might eat in a school cafeteria... except that these weren't suspended fruit pieces. These chunks were very irate little blue creatures.
Setting the mayonnaise jar to the side, Kase reached back into his pack again and pulled out and then replaced several odd-looking contraptions in succession and muttered to himself for awhile. Finally, he located a small ream of flypaper wrapped tightly in yellow plastic. He looked up to see Mrs. Willeby staring at the mayonnaise jar.
"I have no idea how it works, myself," Kase told her. "The instruction book says something about a quantum compressor shifting the multidimensional time/space continuum. All I know is that you can keep stuffing the little creeps into the jar, and they'll just shrink to fit."
With a smile and a flourish, Kase held up the jar so she could get a better look. The label read: Jellied Nixies.
"This is where we are going to put your problem, Ms. Willeby."
Ms. Willeby looked very impressed.
Murdox just looked as if he were going to spit up a hair ball... if dogs could have hair balls.
"This is how it's going to play out."
Kase proceeded to explain to the others what seemed to be a hastily improvised but workable plan.
Kase and Murdox then left Ms. Willeby safe in the front yard while they gathered up their supplies and tiptoed back into the devastated house. Kase carefully unwrapped the yellow plastic around the ream of flypaper. He peeled one sheet of very sticky paper from the roll and looked for a good place to set his trap. He spotted the coffee table, still covered with the splattered remains of Ms. Willeby's and Ms. Tilly's afternoon tea.
Kase dragged the coffee table to the middle of the living room and placed the flypaper on top of it. With great care, Murdox dropped Kase's keys on top of the sticky paper. Then the investigators slipped behind the couch and waited for their quarry.
They didn't have to wait very long.
They heard a thunderous howl, followed by some seriously foul language.
Kase started to get up from behind the couch, but Murdox quickly grabbed his shirttail and pulled him back down. "Take it easy, Trigger. Remember that nixies are stupid... and by that I mean really, really stupid. If we wait just a bit longer...."
"$#@%, $@%#, *&*$%** !!!!!"
Another nixie had been captured in the flypaper and was blurting out a series of words that would get a kid grounded for life.
Murdox sniffed the air. "Okay, now we can check it out."
When they poked their heads up over the couch, they saw two little blue-skinned creatures fighting over the set of car keys as they tangled themselves in the sticky paper. Kase looked at Murdox and gestured with his lips in an expression that said Hey, I'm impressed!
Murdox grunted. "Yes, the plan is working. I've done this before, too, you know. I may be a wolf-dog now, but keep in mind that I was a wizard before this."
Kase studied the pointy ears, the furry tail, and the drooling tongue. It was often hard to remember that Murdox had once had another form.
As Murdox had read to him on their way there, The Great Big Anthology of Annoying Creatures defined nixies as "creatures between 1½ and 2 feet tall, having large, pointed ears, big yellow eyes, and ropy, mottled hair that grows in every conceivable color and direction." It continued, "Most commonly, their skin appears as various shades of blue, but it may range to a deep purple. Nixies are usually seen dressed in shabby bits of rags or other trappings they have swiped from whomever they are currently tormenting. They are dimwitted creatures with an insatiable appetite for thieving and causing mayhem. Nixies are notorious for being at the center of trouble. Though it has never been proven, it's generally believed that they were the cause of the Green-out of '29, a tumultuous period in history when everything turned a pale shade of puce."
Fortunately for Kase and Murdox, nixies had a reputation for being as dumb as tree stumps. According to the book, "Their overwhelming desire to pilfer allows them to be lured easily into a trap and captured."
Kase watched in horror as the two nasty little creatures kicked and screamed at each other while trying to free themselves from the sticky paper. It looked like a devilish game of Twister.
Kase approached the nixies carefully, avoiding their flailing arms and snapping jaws. He grabbed them both by the hair. The nixies responded with objections that brought new meaning to the phrase bad language. With Murdox following close behind, Kase walked out the front door holding the two furious creatures--still precariously stuck to the flypaper--at arm's length. They made their way to Ms. Willeby, who was trying to tidy her front yard.
"We caught two of them," Kase reported, "...and I'd say they're a little upset." He had trouble holding them as the two little captives shrieked and increased their wild struggle to escape. "Right! We had best put these little buggers away."
Murdox went for the large mayonnaise jar and rolled it over to Kase. Ms. Willeby unscrewed the lid and placed the jar upright on the ground.
"Hurry!" Murdox warned. "We have to stuff these vermin into the jar before any others climb out."
Just as he said this, a little blue head almost popped out of the jar. Kase quickly grabbed both of the newly captured nixies by their ankles and jammed them headfirst into the jar, right on top of the one who was trying to peer over the edge. Kase pushed down until all they could see were four little feet sinking into the iridescent goo.
Murdox quickly grabbed the lid in his teeth and passed it to Kase.
Kase swiftly screwed the lid on the jar, then glanced back at the house. "Ms. Willeby, how many of these things were loose in there?"
Ms. Willeby took a moment to think and then held up one hand with all her fingers extended. "Five."
"Well, with these two captured, that means we have three more to go. We'd better get to it."
Kase and Murdox climbed cautiously up the front steps and tiptoed back into the house. Once they were inside, Murdox looked down the hallway.
"Let's try the kitchen."
With Murdox padding silently behind him, Kase passed through the dining room. Ms. Willeby's entire china cabinet had been rifled through, and most of its contents had been smashed and dispersed in pieces across the carpet.
They entered the kitchen and saw utter devastation--ground zero of an incantation gone awry. The refrigerator had been blasted open, its contents spilled, squished, and splattered across the tile floor. All the cupboard doors had been thrown open as well. The countertops were covered in a smorgasbord of trash that littered every nook and cranny.
Murdox nosed through the garbage and somehow found himself a bag of cookies. He started gobbling them down before Kase could smack him on the rump.
"Sorry... sometimes it's just too hard to resist," Murdox mumbled apologetically, his mouth full of cookie.
Kase tried his best to clear away some of the trash in the middle of the kitchen. He pulled another piece of flypaper from the ream and peeled off the yellow backing. Carefully, he set it on the floor. Then he pulled out the television remote control and placed it in the middle of the sticky paper. "Nixies just can't resist these things!"
When he didn't get a sarcastic response from Murdox, Kase turned to see what was going on. "Hey, don't you think you've had enough of those?"
"I'll <chomp> be <crunch> right <gulp> there."
Kase grabbed him by the collar, and with all his might, yanked him from the room in a wake of cookie crumbs.
They found a quiet place to hide and before too long, heard a tirade of screams and shouts pouring from the kitchen. This time Kase wasn't so anxious, and they waited just a little longer. Sure enough, another set of yelps and curses joined the chorus.
The two heroes stuck their heads into the kitchen and spotted two more nixies fighting with each other and tangling themselves in the flypaper. One of the two creatures, a particularly big one, yanked the remote control out of the hands of the other nixie and clocked him over the head with it. The littlest nixie sort of wobbled back and forth a bit before falling over with a thud. The bigger nixie seemed to get a huge kick out of this and began laughing hysterically.
Kase and Murdox took this as a good opportunity and dashed into the kitchen. However, neither of them remembered that the kitchen floor was slippery and covered in trash. They both skidded across the tile and fell face-first in front of the laughing nixie.
The little monster didn't skip a beat and whacked Kase on the head with the remote control. Murdox tried to intervene, but even stuck to the flypaper, the nixie was far too quick for him. With a lunge that would make a great white shark proud, the nixie threw himself at Murdox and bit him right on the snout.
Murdox let out a howl and shook his furry head violently. He managed to rip the nixie from the sticky paper and toss him across the room into the kitchen cabinets.
Kase jumped to his feet, slipped on an overripe tomato, and fell back on his rump. Eventually he managed to stand up and stumble his way to the cabinets where Murdox had flung the larger nixie. He grabbed the dizzy blue vermin by his ropy hair and very carefully began crossing the slippery kitchen floor.
After moaning and complaining about his bitten nose, Murdox picked up the unconscious smaller nixie, still stuck to the flypaper, and made his way quickly to the front yard.
Holding the squirming larger nixie, Kase followed Murdox outside. They found Ms. Willeby still trying unsuccessfully to tidy her yard.
"We caught two more, Ms. Willeby."
Ms. Willeby looked up at the two investigators and saw that they were covered in garbage. Both were bleeding a bit from the bites. She immediately ran over to the magic jar and unscrewed the cap. She watched Kase and Murdox unceremoniously shove their captives deep into its confines and quickly screw the lid back on. Then she took her apron from around her waist and dabbed at Murdox's nose.
Kase brushed off both Murdox and himself as best he could. Kneeling down, he reached into his backpack and pulled out a big first-aid kit. From this he withdrew some alcohol swabs and a few bandages, which he handed to Ms. Willeby. He watched as she tore open one of the swabs and carefully dabbed Murdox's nose.
Murdox immediately began yelping, "Ouweee, ouweee, ouweee!"
"Oh, shut up, you big baby," snapped Kase. "She's just trying to help."
Ms. Willeby unwrapped one of the bandages and stuck it on Murdox's snout. She admired her own medical handiwork briefly and patted the big wolf-dog gently on the head. Then she doctored Kase's wound.
When she was done, Kase stood up and turned toward the house. "Right! We still have one nixie to go, and the last one is typically the hardest one to catch. Let's get going, Murdox."
"Just be careful, boys. I don't want anyone getting hurt."
Anticipating the type of sarcastic retort Murdox might normally make, Kase grabbed his snout and held it shut. The two investigators then entered the house again and stopped in the dining room.
Kase pulled another piece of the flypaper from the roll and removed the yellow backing. "Let's try the billfold this time. Maybe we'll be lucky, and this one will be as stupid as his friends." He laid the flypaper gently on the dining room table. Finally, he put the billfold down in the middle of his sticky trap.
The two investigators quietly ducked behind the couch. They waited... and waited. After about twenty minutes, they decided to take a look.
First they saw a long piece of string dangling from the chandelier, which hung all the way down to the sticky flypaper. Apparently, the nixie had tied some twine to the light fixture and had lowered himself Mission Impossible-style to the billfold, which was now open and free of its contents.
Murdox glanced up at Kase with a pained look and let out a long sigh. "This one's not nearly as dumb."
"I'd say you're right. We're going to have to outsmart this one." Kase took a moment to think and then blurted out, "I've got an idea. Follow me."
They both went outside to find Ms. Willeby so that Kase could explain his plan to both her and Murdox.
After Kase explained the plan, he and Ms. Willeby went into the house and gathered up all the dirty laundry they could find. They each carried their piles of clothing to the laundry room and dumped them in a heap on the floor. Then he winked at Ms. Willeby and raised his voice to a level that was quite a bit louder than necessary.
"You might as well get some laundry done. ...Getting rid of this last nixie might take a while... he's a smart one!"
They both loaded some of the clothing into the washing machine.
Ms. Willeby shouted back, "Oops! We can't forget to wash all my socks."
Kase looked around the cluttered room. "No, we certainly can't," he replied, making sure his voice would carry throughout the house. "You can never have too many pairs of clean socks. Maybe we should go try to find some more."
They both walked casually out of the laundry room and sat down in front of what was left of the television.
It didn't take a minute before they heard a thumpadee-thumpadee-thump from the laundry room. The sounds were followed by an eruption of ear-piercing screams. Kase and Ms Willeby quickly made their way through the kitchen and into the laundry room. There, they saw Murdox sitting on top of the washing machine, happily panting with his long, doggy tongue hanging out.
Kase, Murdox, and Ms. Willeby had all known that a nixie would not be able to resist the urge to steal socks from the washing machine. Murdox had hidden beneath the pile of dirty clothes, waiting to pounce on his prey. When the time was right, it had been all too easy for him to bound from beneath the pile of clothes and slam the lid shut on the little pest inside.
Kase didn't like to see him gloat, and it had been a bit cruel of Murdox to turn on the washer, but the sound of the little vermin banging around inside the machine just seemed to make the big wolf-dog happy.
After coaxing Murdox down with a bag of cookies, Kase turned off the washer and pulled out the waterlogged nixie, who was still clutching one of the dirty socks. Kase then dragged the soggy creature into the front yard and stuffed him into the jar of jellied nixies. Then he tightened down the lid and stowed the jar safely in his backpack.
Ms. Willeby couldn't have been happier. She patted Murdox on the head and scratched him behind the ears to the point that he began kicking one of his back legs, a reaction that seemed to embarrass him greatly. Then she fed him all the chocolate chip cookies he could eat. She finally turned her attention to Kase and gave him a big hug.
While still locked in Ms. Willeby's kind embrace, Kase looked at his watch. "Well, it's getting late," he told her. "We'd better be going."
"Thank you so very much!" Ms. Willeby gushed over and over again. "If there is anything I can ever do for you, just say the word. I know! I'll bake some cookies and send them to you."
"That won't be necessary," Kase replied.
As soon as he said this, Murdox bumped him in the leg, and Kase got the point. "Okay, okay... I guess that would be very nice, Ms. Willeby."
"Good! I'll make shortbread... no, chocolate chip. Well, why not? I'll make them both!" She took a long look around and sighed. "I guess I had better clean up a bit first." With that, she made her way back into her little cottage, muttering to herself about cookies and cleaning fluid.
Kase just hoped she wouldn't get them confused. He looked at his watch again. "We might just make the five o'clock slug if we hurry."
With that, the two investigators eased out the front gate and trotted down the sidewalk in the direction of the slug stop.
This is a sample chapter from
One Wizard Place
by
DM Paul
We at
Books Unbound E-Publishing Co.
www.booksunbound.com
hope you will enjoy the entire book!
Author's Biography
Doug Paul studied engineering in college--he really wanted to be a veterinarian, but that's another story altogether. He earned his degree along with a few other aircraft related licenses, and by trade works for one those big aircraft manufactures. One day on a business trip he decided to put his laptop to good use… the rest as they say is history. He resides in Savannah, Georgia with his wife, daughter and feisty Australian Shepard 'Kase'.
Doug has a website for One Wizard Place at onewizardplace.com.
Close this page to return to
One Wizard Place
instant downloads and CD order page
Return to top of page
|
